Nature & Landscape
Lost
Gates closed, locked tight
I turn off the lights as I refuse to give you the opportunity to get close to me
Haunted by past pains, dreading that I might let it all go and let you become ghosts to me
I struggle to connect on your level, the weight of my presence like anvils
And it kills ke knowing that I might not make it
My smile fades like movie screens as we end scenes
The final act I’m ending without a bow
Wondering how I could disappear when you value me
But it does get easier to be here
As I let go of every tear, I tear into myself, ripping apart who I once was
I’m so fucking lost that words can’t begin to explain
Everyday is torture and I’m riddled with holes from the pain, shots taken with masterful aim
Gaslight myself into feeling this sane as I burn in the flames
But I am no phoenix, there are no ashes to rise from and if there were I wouldn’t choose them
The best course from here is to give in to the madness as it consumes me
Drowning endlessly in problems I’m too ashamed to acknowledge
Death
As new skies arise, freshly on these eyes
I lay your body to rest
My heart and soul who can console and strip from me the pain
It’s not the same, who stands to gain
The ground rises as your body and earth merge
As my home and hearth surge
Outward, projected, a heart left dejected
You left so soon and were gone so quick
I hate the pain but memories stick
Like gum under a desk, oh relieve me of this pest
To have to feel, to have to know
Days months and weeks drowned in sorrow
It hurts to say goodbye, I hope my love still you know
Take aim and the key you throw
Just out of reach it serves to teach
The worst things in life come free
Put a price on me but our love couldn’t pay it
Three little words and my heart flutters, I beg you say it
Free me from limbo, oh where do I go now that you’ve passed
It’s too hard to hear, too blind to see, the man is mute begging set him free
Plague him no longer with your ghost
In later days a glass he toasts in your name
Your fame and your stories
Suddenly seem boring
Rewinding time as color drains from your face
And these wounds they ache
Lost with no direction
Forward and backward the same, curse you inception
Steps in the right direction all lead back to you
Words soft-spoken, take it as token
Of the love I had and the bond we shared
A hole in my heart now, an abyss
I wish to forget as ignorance is bliss
I miss the nights with you next to me
As I lay breathlessly, the air you stole from my lips
Your back arches and body dips
As I remember how perfectly yours fits into mine
Hearts once intertwined
Ripped apart by toxicity
And yet you were it to me
I can’t deny that I may cry at your loss
But what we had was false
Riddled with bullet holes
Tearing at the poles, but I begged for your love longer
If only I was stronger
To say it’s only on me would be to lie
But in these eyes I can’t forget how brightly you shined
I could say sorry a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough
The pain and hurt you feel is more than real
And I can’t stop the bleeding
Blood from your heart on my hands again
Out damned spot, I count to ten
And hold my breath, under the waves of first love
Released from my hold, you are the first dove
I pray for a greater above
No longer will you suffocate
Forcing me to resuscitate
Let your wings dry and fly free
I just hope that at the end of it all you remember me
C.o.t.C
Tears trace trails as they snake down bones
Digging trenches deep to expose earth underneath
A heart and emotions out of their sheath
The painful process rending cheeks
Fading white creeks
nestled in brown matter
Crevasses widen
once again livened
Through painful remembrance
A shovel broke
as digging deeper may choke
Chords s(tr)ung out in pain
Relief washes over
as salt stains
Pillars to remember the past
But to turn back, a sin
To become trapped again
Tempted by sweet words of djinn